It’s painful being an islander! We took inspiration from your comments on our original post and present to you 7 more kinds of pain that only Bermudians know.
1. Belly Flop
When attempting some new kind of diving acrobatics, you’re guaranteed to have experienced the sting of a belly flop. Depending on the height of the dive, belly flops can even give you bruises! The reason they sting so much is because of simple physics – the larger the surface area of something breaking the water, the higher the resistance of the water will be.
2. Water Up the Nose
One of the most horrible minor inconveniences, when water gets forced up your nose – from a belly flop diving attempt perhaps – it’s unbearable! It’s like islander brain freeze and nothing can make it go away. The pain you experience is actually due to osmosis – remember when you learned about that in biology class? The cells in your nose are slightly salty, so when fresh water gets in to your nose, it rushes in to the cells there and bursts them open! Sea water is actually saltier than your nose cells, so this osmosis problem theoretically shouldn’t happen.
3. Muffler Burn
How could we miss out the quintessential Bermudian mishap? Anyone who rides a motorbike, and who parks it sandwiched together with other motorbikes, knows of the unforgiving muffler burn. Just check for burn marks on the calves – if someone’s got one, chances are they’re Bermudian.
4. Feral Cat Scratch
Bermuda has a feral cat problem. Charities like BFAB feed them, but the cats still believe they are ruthless predators. They look cute, and may even let you pet them for a while, but it always seems to end in tears if you pet them in a way they even slightly dislike. Cats can carry diseases like toxoplasmosis and ringworm. Yuck! Better to leave them alone, and always remember to spay or neuter your house cat.
5. Hooked While Fishing
Most Bermudians know how to fish – it’s a metaphor for holding the most dangerous thing in your hands, but not giving it the power to hurt you… didn’t John Green write a book about that? Unfortunately, many Bermudians have fallen victim to the dreaded fish hook – either in a foot as your line rests on the dock, or in the hand while wrestling it from a fish’s mouth. Getting it out is best done in one swift motion!
6. Bike Seat Burn
Anyone who wears shorter bottoms will be all too familiar with the dreaded bike seat burn. Why do they make seat covers black anyway? Just to inflict this pain upon us while they bake in the sun? The worst part about it is that you know it’s coming and there’s no way to stop it – you’ve got to get over that little sizzle so you can ride home.
7. Blinding Sun
Like high beams coming towards you in the darkness, looking at anything in bright sunlight can make you temporarily blind and cause a headache! Maybe it’s getting older, or maybe it’s a consequence of climate change, but it feels like the sun glare is getting less and less bearable these days.